Opening Up Old Wounds

I tend to forget about my heart related experiences and get on with my life but then something happens which taps me on the shoulder and says, ” hey you, remember you have a cardiac condition and ICD (implantable cardioverter-defibrillator) in place”.

My  ICD battery replacement two weeks ago was the recent tap. Yet another medical procedure, another recovery, how many times do I have to go through this? Another reminder of my sudden cardiac arrest (SCA), of life in a hospital bed etc. Arrrgh…

And also, how lucky I am to still be alive. How lucky I am to have an ICD (mine is called Paul so this is Paul No.3) to keep me safe! How blessed and grateful I am! Ahhhh…

The contradictions that exist within me! “I’m completely over all this,” yet I also know that I can move through it gently and allow it to find renewed wisdom, resilience and courage.

Previous heart and shock experiences come flooding back and I look back and marvel about how far I’ve come, wonder how on earth I survived it all and acknowledge that it has brought me to where I am now. A reflection on the 14 years post SCA and all the richness of life I have experienced during this time.

In relation to the specifics of the procedure, I discover that I tend to believe that the past will repeat. Well, there is some logic to drawing on previous experiences. With my previous ICD replacement, I was conscious throughout and in severe pain. The following day, more pain and a flood of tears. I had wondered if my pain threshold was low as many others seemed to breeze through this. The second time replacement was so different: asleep for the procedure (1hr) and felt good upon waking. After eating, I had nausea and vomited a few times. Following days unsettled digestive system. I think from all the antibiotics. Very little pain, swelling and bruising from the wound. So, my experiences were totally different (note: different doctor, anesthetist and hospital).

So, what are my lessons:

Allow yourself to feel contradicting and seemingly opposing emotions about your condition or procedure such as frustration and joy at the same time. Don’t let one negate the other, they are both valid and are a vital part of your healing.

Allow yourself to recover and heal in your own time and get inspiration to move forward by looking back on your journey acknowledge how much you have grown.

Whilst drawing on past experiences keep an open mind about each new procedure because it won’t necessarily be the same as before.

*thanks to a fellow SCA survivor for the very apt title of this blog.

Keep riding the wave of life.

Love always

Tracy

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

https://waveform-consulting.square.site

If you are a survivor or a family member, I invite you to join our Sudden Cardiac Arrest Community on facebook.

Botanical Art – a personal reflection

Last year I did the Artists Way course by Julia Cameron with an online group of women. I didn’t and still don’t regard myself as an artist (yes, I know I need to address this!). How ever you feel about yourself, this course is relevant to everyone as creativity comes in so many forms and in truth everyone is an artist of their own life (their home, career, health, relationships etc.).

I loved Julias course, the artists’ dates and morning pages were highlights. Artists dates were a weekly adventure to explore something that interests you or you enjoy. It is something that has to be done alone. It could be a visit to a museum, the city, a shopping centre or anything else that takes your fancy. I found that I was attracted to botanical art, I purchased a tea towel with a botanical drawing. My daily walks I was surrounded by gums, wattles and my garden filled with camellias, roses, natives, fruit trees and tea tree. I photographed them almost daily. A sudden realization! Why not try drawing them? Where to begin? I saw an online course in meditative sketchbook botanicals, why not!

Welcome to the magical world of paper, watercolour, brushes, pencils and mostly importantly COLOUR! From there I started drawing and painting what was in my garden, learning as I went along, mostly from Youtube and social media. I loved the process, which was meditative indeed, three hours pass as if a second and also enjoyed the colour mixing and simply being a learner, way outside of my comfort zone. A friend asked me to use my art in a book which he would match with poetry! “But I am still practicing”, I replied! I don’t know when we aren’t practicing – both in art and life this rings true. Maybe I will get back to the book one day.

I then felt that I wanted to improve my skills and did an intermediate course for a term, which I loved and am waiting for my painting of Eucalyptus Alatissima to be framed. My first piece to be framed –  and it will be enjoyed and treasured. Because I like it and because it represents the start of my botanical art journey, wherever it may lead me…

Love always

Tracy

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

T-TALKS: Silence is underrated

I am an advocate for using your voice and self-expression and I also believe that there is a time for silence. Getting comfortable with silence is a rare and exceptional skill, which expands your ability to hold space for others, your potential to hold others accountable and it is also a great personal healing tool.

Getting comfortable with silence allows you to ask questions, sit in the silence and give others time to respond. It allows pauses to during conversations. When we relieve the pause and discomfort by filling the silence with chatter, we lose an opportunity to allow others to speak up or for the silence to speak! Sometimes it also means that you stay silent rather than get involved in discussions that cause you harm or stress, in this sense it is a boundary, self care in action.

Getting comfortable with silence and solitude also allows your soul to speak and be heard. When we are on the treadmill of life, there is seldom any opportunity to listen to what our body is crying out for, what our heart feels and what our soul wants to express. Giving yourself time to sit in the silence is a personal healing space.

The art of communication is becoming comfortable with silence and knowing when to speak.

Love always

Tracy Busse

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

T-TALKS: Asking for what you want

Maybe you need to hear this today… A recent theme in my coaching is “asking for what you want”.

Its such a simple thing but we often get stuck, sometimes due to fear, sometimes shyness or because of a story we are telling ourselves – about what asking will mean about us or how others will perceive us. I feel exhausted just writing this. Sigh!!

 It actually is as simple as asking for what you want and it is incredibly powerful!  My theory is that “if you don’t ask the answer is always NO”!

But, If you ask, you may get a no, but at least you get to feel good about having had a go, having expressed your needs.

AND…You may also get a YES! And sometimes its a yes and a bit more than what you asked for! How good would that be? You ask and get a YES to what you want (possibly more) and everything changes because you feel empowered and good about your ability to ask for what you want! 

Have the courage to ask for what you want! Give yourself the possibility of a YES!

For more information about working further with me, got to https://waveform-consulting.square.site/ or please get in touch by email. I will also be offering voice recordings of the Lighthouse workshops – how to build resilience and thrive, as a self-paced workshops very soon.

Love always

Tracy

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

T-TALKS: Purposeful Power

What does the word power conjure up for you? Sadly power often has negative connotations. Without it we’d be lost because power is also love, its what drives us and allows us to take action, create, grow and transform. For all we can really control is what we do, say and think, we might as well use these superpowers wisely.

From this perspective what does your superpower allow you to do now? What has it allowed you to do in the past? Do you have any beliefs about power that are holding you back or limiting your power? If you were to step into your full blown power what would you do, what would that look and feel like?

Be bold and courageous, step into your power and capacity to create, grow and transform yourself, your career, your wellbeing, your life. Start with one small step, its where all worthwhile and humble journeys begin.

If you liked this blog you may like CALLING YOUR POWER BACK! And I have just launched and opened the doors to The Lighthouse: a series of three powerful, interactive, online resilience workshops: we dive into your resilient mindset, habits and your emotional resilience toolkit and there is also a private facebook group for me to communicate with you and you to share your wins, questions and get coaching. What will be possible for you when you build your strength, resiliency and courage?

The workshop series is AUD$300 and you receive a 1:1 coaching session (value $200) if you book in before 13th June. Doors close 18th June and we kick off on 21st June! YAY! All workshops via Zoom and recordings available for those who can’t attend.

MORE INFO OR TO BOOK IN THE LIGHTHOUSE or email me with any questions.

Love always

Tracy

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

T-TALKS: A Line in the Sand

Boundaries are so important in relationships, to protect ourselves, to care for ourselves and to meet our own needs. I recently put some new boundaries in place and got some push back’. Others might not be used to your boundaries and may not like change when you introduce new boundaries.

When I got the ‘push back’’, it caused me to question myself. I questioned whether I was indeed a living in alignment with my values. I really started questioning everything I stood for. I wondered if I had just become cold to the world and was lacking in empathy. I help others uncover their beliefs and I know that our thoughts are always in our control but here I was struggling to get my head around changing these unhelpful thoughts I had about myself.

Fortunately, the answer to my dilemma literally dropped in and with it I had an aha moment in all of one second. I realised that I hadn’t done anything wrong, I was simply acting in a new way with new personal boundaries. The new boundaries were causing me to feel differently. My discomfort with the new feeling was causing me to question myself. The aha moment was when I realised I had achieved a level on self-care not previously even on my radar. Instead of being in the situation or drama and going through it with the person, I lovingly left it where it belonged, with its rightful owner. Whilst I can provide love and support, it is not mine to fix or solve. Not my drama. Not my stuff. Wow how liberating it was to realise this and suddenly a question about whether I was good enough became wow I need to celebrate this newfound ability to protect and nurture myself. I am really proud of myself.

Remember the intention is not to have perfect boundaries in all relationships, the intention is to use boundaries when you need them and sometimes you will need to put new ones in place. The intention is always to support and nurture yourself and sometimes this requires a line in the sand.

Love always

Tracy

tracy@waveformconsulting.com

T-TALKS: Growing Pains

Perhaps you or your kids experienced growing pains, well it is the same with us as adults when we experience personal growth, it can feel a bit uncomfortable…ok sometimes very uncomfortable, even painful but just as children grow up and the feelings pass, so it is for us too.

This really is the space in between stages of our growth and it can be a really uncertain time before the change is truly anchored in our minds and bodies, a part of how we function. How we respond to the discomfort during the transition is critical.

So, if are you going through any personal growth, leveling up, learning or new awareness – please keep the internal dialogue kind and supportive: I am experiencing a change and it will take me some time to feel comfortable again. This is ok. I am ok. The feelings will pass. Most importantly be extra patient with your mind and body to catch up to the new level. Give yourself time and space to process the change. It is 100% normal to revert back to old habits during this time. This doesn’t make us wrong, it makes us human, real live human beings. Thank goodness, for that 😉

And lastly celebrate if you are having growing pains, because it means you are alive, learning, growing and becoming your future self, I wouldn’t want it any other way, how about you?

Love always
Tracy
e-mail: tracy@waveformconsulting.com

Photo credit: Andrew Busse

T-TALKS: Affirmations

I have found affirmations very powerful in my life, particularly during tough times. An affirmation is a statement you make to yourself about something that you desire for your future, if repeated enough over time, the brain accepts it as a truth. When accepted as the truth, you then act in the appropriate manner and create that truth into reality. Remember an affirmation is stated in the present because you are calling ‘what you want’ into your present, not keeping it in the future. I hope you enjoy these ones from my book ‘Calm Through Chaos’ or if you prefer make up your own.

COURAGE

I am bold and brave!

I am strong and spirited!

I am determined and daring!

I am vibrant and valiant!

I am feisty and fabulously fearless!

CONFIDENCE

Despite my fears, I step out and act. I appear to be fearless.

FEAR

My courage exceeds my fears.

SILENCE

In the time of stillness and tranquility, I find myself, I find answers within, I am open to what comes to me and through me.

JOURNALLING

I freely express my thoughts, feelings and emotions, release them from my body, mind, heart and soul.

COLOUR

I use colour in my home and in my visualisations to bring about change and transformation in my health and in my life.

BREATHING

I can breathe in and out, with ease and flow and when I focus my attention here, my mind stills and finds a place of peace and calm. My heart is tranquil!

SUPPORT

I am loved and supported by the universe and I am open to receiving even more love and support that will heal my body, mind, heart and soul. I ask for this help, both literally and spiritually when I need it, and I am open to receiving it with grace and ease.

TRACY BUSSE ~ CALM THROUGH CHAOS BOOK

T-TALKS: Healing Your Heart Meditation (from Calm Through Chaos Book)

It is safe for me to be quiet and still and focus all my attention on my heart centre.

I breath into my heart centre, imagining the breath coming in and out of my heart centre. Do this for a few minutes until you feel relaxed and at ease.

This heart centre is my life force and central to my wellbeing.

I pay attention to the messages it has for me.

I now stop and listen to my heart. I listen carefully so that I can hear any messages that my heart has for me.

I listen to the messages.

My heart is telling me that it feels …………………. today.

My heart is telling me that it wants me to ………. today.

My heart is filled with ………………………………… today.

If I feel any tightness, pain, sadness, then I choose a colour to breathe into my heart and I take several long breaths of this beautiful colour into my heart centre.

I let the colour fill my heart, soothe it and calm it.

I allow my heart to find a serene and tranquil place. I let the colour blossom within my heart.

I find a place of peace and calm within my heart. I let myself linger in this space. I am full of peace.

If my heart is feeling happy or joyous or excited, then I imagine the colour of that exuberance and I allow it to spread throughout my body, filling it with energy and optimism.

This colour flows to my limbs and all extremities, my nose, my toes and fingertips.

I allow myself to be immersed in this colour and I let it cleanse me, filling me with vitality and strength. I allow myself to visualise my whole body filled with this oomph!

My heart is a bloom, it is filled with love and life.

TRACY BUSSE ~ CALM THROUGH CHAOS

Super Choices

Every choice you make will either anchor your intention to support your health or detract from it.

Every choice has the power to uplift and nurture you or not.

Every choice to eat something will either support and nourish you to good health or not.

Every choice to move your body will either support physical and mental health or be a lost opportunity to invigorate body and mind.

Some choices are simply for fun and after enjoying the diversion you return to your vitality path.

A choice that gives you what you most need now might be the best way to go at the time.

A choice that will extend you might be what you will need in the future.

Every choice is a choice between comfort and challenge. Identify which and make conscious choices today .

Choices that put love and wellbeing first and occasionally prioritise a bit of fun and whimsy are always good choices.

Your body mind and soul will thank you for them.

What wholesome, happy and healthy choices are you making today?